


a silhouette, a lifeless face (that you'll soon forget)

by hopemikaelsn



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, But mentally an adult like in canon, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Five in his 17 year old body, Pseudo-Incest, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Vanya is 21 years old, Vissy for plot reasons, fiveya - Freeform, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:15:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25813408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopemikaelsn/pseuds/hopemikaelsn
Summary: Five’s fingers brush over it softly, sending chills up Vanya’s neck. “It’s still here,” he murmurs, eyes glazed over.For a moment it’s just them, gazes locked. Vanya feels completely whole, reunited with her best friend and companion. A warmth settles in the base of her stomach and spreads slowly through her.But then he drops her hand and turns away and the peaceful feeling is gone. “You should get out.”orSeason 1 soulmate mark AU where Five returns to present day with the knowledge that he and Vanya have matching marks. Or at least they would, had he not wound up in his seventeen year old body.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 39
Kudos: 326





	1. Chapter 1

**2001**

“W-Wait,” Vanya calls after her siblings’ retreating backs, descending the stairs. “Where are you going? Today’s a training day.” 

“Breakfast, duh,” Diego calls. “Training doesn’t start again for another hour.” 

Her shoulders slump, not at all surprised that she hadn’t gotten an invitation. “Oh.”

“Seeya, Vanya,” Ben adds, probably trying to cheer her up. But then Klaus punches him in the shoulder and the two of them are reabsorbed into their typical quarreling, forgetting their sister entirely. 

Vanya glances behind them, searching for Five since he hadn’t been with the rest of the group. Just as she’s considering checking his room, a familiar _fwoop_ and a blue flash makes her jump in surprise, nearly taking a tumble down the rest of the stairs. 

Five catches her by the forearm, steadying her before she can lose her balance. 

“F-Five… Are you going with the others?” 

He shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets. “If I wanted to lose any more brain cells for the day, sure.” 

She giggles and he returns her smile, his cheek dimpling. 

For a moment they’re just looking at each other, and then Five breaks the silence. “What do you say we get outta here? I could steal some peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches and we could have a, uh, picnic or something.” 

“I would love to,” she says shyly, beaming.

He teleports away again, leaving her smiling.

* * *

The park isn’t too crowded when they get there, despite that it’s a sunny day out. Five unrolls the blanket, handing Vanya the paper bag with their lunches in it. 

“I’m going to ask Dad about time travel soon. I think I’ve got spacial jumps down to a science.” 

Vanya blinks. “Time travel…? I dunno, is that really a good idea? I heard Dad saying how unpredictable it could be.”

Five shakes his head, stepping onto the picnic blanket to take Vanya’s hands in his. She drops the paper bag in surprise. “You don’t understand— Dad will do anything to keep the rest of us from expanding our powers and becoming stronger than Number One and Number Two. It’s his ego talking… Can you imagine if he actually had to re-number us?” 

Vanya blushes, Five’s fingers warm on her palms. “That _would_ be embarrassing...”

“Exactly.” He drops her hands, flopping down cross-legged on the picnic blanket. He unrolls the paper bag, pulling out Vanya’s sandwich baggie. He holds it out to her and she takes it, sitting down beside him gingerly. 

Vanya starts eating after Five does and the two of them share a comfortable silence. Then, he says, “Dad should really include you in training. I told him the other night that you have more common sense than the rest of our siblings combined.” 

She cracks a smile at the compliment. “You really didn’t have to… I get why I’m not allowed. I couldn’t keep up with you all out there. It wouldn’t be safe.”

Five looks lost in thought, but shrugs. “I guess not.”

Vanya knows what she said is true, but she still deflates all the same. 

* * *

Growing up, Vanya spends most of her free hours with Five. The two of them are misfits in a way— Vanya because of her lack of powers and Five because he finds hanging out with the others a ‘waste of time’. 

They’re an unlikely duo, and sometimes the others even tease them for it. (“What is she, your _girlfriend_ or something?” “You and Luther are gross.”) 

Vanya doesn’t mind. Anything is better than being by herself constantly like she used to be. 

* * *

**2005**

“I want to time travel.”

He says it like a demand and not a request, which Vanya can tell their father doesn’t like. 

Reginald stiffens, somehow managing to look down at Five even though he’s at the complete opposite end of the dinner table. 

“I’ve been practicing my spatial jumps just like you said.”

Reggie sniffs. “‘Practically’ isn’t good enough, now is it? Time travel is an extremely serious matter. Moving through space is one thing, but traveling through _time_ is more akin to descending blindly into the depths of the freezing water and reappearing as an acorn.” 

“I’m not _afraid.”_

 _"Fear_ isn’t the issue.”

Five stands from the table— something Vanya knows they’re never supposed to do unless excused. 

She even makes eye contact with him, shaking her head to hopefully deter him from whatever plan he has. 

Five is annoyed and impatient, though— She sees it written on his features as he storms out.

Vanya knows better than to go after him. He’s just as confident as he is smart, and if he’s decided to do anything at all she knows he’ll do it. 

“Number Five, come back this instant!”

* * *

After dinner, they search the neighborhood for him. Vanya has the sneaking suspicion that her siblings are only doing it to make her feel better. Their father doesn’t join, retiring to his office citing the excuse of work. It’s clear that he believes Five has without a doubt time traveled and now can’t be reached. 

“Are you gonna be okay?” Ben asks her, placing a hand on her shoulder when they eventually circle back around to their own block. 

Vanya nods without making a sound at first, but then the tears start to burn the backs of her eyes and the first sob rises from her. 

Ben holds out his arms and she gratefully accepts the hug, burying her face into his shoulder as tears stream freely down her cheeks. 

It’s stupid, she thinks. He could be back tomorrow. But something tells her he won’t be, and it feels like a piece of her is already missing.

* * *

**2006**

She sits on the steps of the academy on the anniversary of Five’s disappearance. The plate of peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches sits untouched beside her. 

She’s not sure what she’d expected. After a year of being gone, the odds of him coming back are less and less.

Vanya hugs her knees, watching the pedestrians pass by with a growing ache in her chest. 

* * *

On their eighteenth birthday, the Hargreeves wake to find their soulmate marks. 

It’s said that soulmate marks will always be in the same shape and location as your other half’s. 

Vanya finds hers on the inside of her left wrist, in the shape of a crescent moon. 

Luther and Allison don’t have matching marks, which causes an awkward rift in the group dynamic that even Vanya notices from afar. Luther seems particularly heartbroken.

Ben and Klaus have matching blobs on their chests, which surprises almost everyone (except Vanya, who privately predicted this). 

Things remain the same, aside from this. Vanya keeps her distance from the group at Reginald’s behest. Even Ben seems to forget her presence more and more. 

Vanya eventually gives up on leaving the sandwiches out and turning on the lights. Falling asleep in the entrance hall after Pogo goes to bed is making her more sleep deprived than she can handle anymore.

Besides, it’s been two years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not entirely sure where this fic might go in terms of rating/content, so keep an eye on the tags for any trigger warnings or things you might not be comfortable with going forward
> 
> also follow me at numberfivesaxe on tumblr 4 more trash <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya struggles with her feelings for her boss's wife. After Reginald dies, the family is brought back together and reunited with Five.

**2009**

_ “Damn it, damn it, damn it.” _

Vanya races around her apartment, searching frantically for her apron. If she’s late to work again, Carl could fire her. She can’t believe she’d let the same client stay twenty minutes past their scheduled session again without even noticing. 

The anniversary of Five’s disappearance is in a week and her head is always in the clouds more than usual. Wondering if he’s still out there— if he’s okay. 

She finds the apron strewn on the chair beside her clothes hamper and snatches it up, practically bolting for the front door. 

It takes her just under ten minutes to run from her apartment to the coffee shop two blocks away, and when she gets there she’s completely winded. She throws her hair in a ponytail as she’s walking in, already tying the apron behind her back. 

Vanya’s been working at  _ Carl’s Corner Coffee _ for three months now, using the extra money from the part time gig to help pay for renovations in her apartment. Who needs family or real friends when you have a giant farmhouse style sink? That’s what she tells herself to feel better about losing contact with her siblings, anyway. 

Carl’s wife, Sissy, pushes out from the back room, probably to check who’d set off the entrance chimes. 

When she sees it’s Vanya she lights up, eyes crinkling at the corners when she smiles. “Vanya— What took you so damn long? Carl’s feathers are all ruffled again.”

“I’m so sorry,” the brunette replies sheepishly. “This appointment I had completely got away from me again…”

Sissy puts a hand on her hip, eyeing the younger woman suspiciously. “Are you sure nothin’ else is goin’ on? You know you can always talk to me, right?”

Vanya nods, cheeks growing warmer. “I-I know. I promise it’s not anything crazy, I just… I’ve been a little spacey recently.”

“Hmmm.” Sissy hums thoughtfully in response. “Well, you better get back there and try to butter up the Boss Man somethin’ good. Don’t think he likes you a fraction as much as I do.” She winks, causing Vanya’s cheeks to grow even hotter. 

“Yes ma’am,” she murmurs, pushing behind the counter to head towards the back room. 

She finds Carl bent over his computer in the office, probably looking over payroll. He rolls around in the chair when he hears her push the door open and she tries not to wince in anticipation.

“Carl, I’m so, so sorry… I didn’t mean to—“

“Clean house tonight, would ya?”

Vanya blinks, taken aback. “U-Uh... Sorry?”

He chuckles, rolling his seat back around so he’s facing the computer again. “Might wanna get those ears checked, doll. Help Sissy do a deep clean on the shop after close and I’ll pretend like you were never late.” 

Relief floods through her and her shoulders sag. “Absolutely. Thank you— I really appreciate the patience, sir. I promise I’m going to do better.”

“Alright, alright, don’t get sappy with me. Go clock in.”

When she reappears from the back, Sissy looks at her expectantly and Vanya splits into a grin. “He’s letting me stay after and help you clean instead of writing me up.” 

“Huh,” the blonde speculates in a playful tone. “Guess maybe he  _ does  _ like you over a fraction.” 

Vanya smiles and shakes her head, grabbing a sanitizer towel and wiping down the counters on autopilot. She’s been working here long enough that starting a shift is like slipping on a glove; she knows all of the things she has to tackle to close, and in what order she prefers doing them in. 

Sissy continues breaking down the second espresso machine, using a tiny brush to scrub the upper part of the steam wand. Vanya’s eyes drift over to her ever so often; particularly when she bends over to grab the cleaning tablets from beneath the counter. 

Shame burns in the back of her mind— this is her boss’s  _ wife,  _ and she’s god knows how much older.

Despite the disgust with herself, she can’t help but admire how Sissy’s hair looks in that bun. The way strands of hair have escaped from the back and curl on the nape of her neck. She’s gorgeous in a homely way— something Vanya particularly likes. 

Her wrist twitches as if in reminder that Sissy doesn’t share her soulmark and never will. 

It feels like no one does. Half of her siblings have gotten married since leaving the Academy; already having found their other halves. 

But not Vanya. She’s not even sure if the person still exists. 

It doesn’t  _ usually  _ t ake most people long to run into their soulmates after eighteen; soulmates always tended to have lives that were closely intertwined by fate. 

Maybe she’s destined to be just as alone in adult life as she was in childhood, she realizes. 

The hours of her shift fly by. She serves the regulars their favorite drinks and chats with them about how the week has been. Sissy works the bar with her, helping make drinks so Vanya can focus on the closing tasks. 

Carl leaves exactly at 10:00 when they lock the doors, kissing his wife on the cheek before dipping out. 

Vanya looks away, the motion causing a pang of jealousy in her chest. 

“Alright, Vanya. Pick a fridge and start emptying it so we can do a deep clean.” 

Vanya obliges, picking a fridge and going to work. Once she empties the cartons from it, she takes her sanitizer towel and starts scrubbing the crusty milk from the walls. She gets lost in that for a while, not looking up again until Sissy clears her throat loudly. 

“Hm?” Vanya looks up to see the blonde holding the door of the big fridge in the back open. 

“Could you be a doll and hold this door open for me so I can wipe the very back?”

“Sure thing.” 

Vanya gets up, moving to hold the door open in her stead. Sissy smiles gratefully, brushing against Vanya as she moves closer to the fridge. She then bends over, reaching far back into the middle shelf to start wiping down. 

Vanya’s cheeks grow warm as the back of Sissy’s bum brushes against her legs. The close proximity is more than she can handle. 

“This damn apron is too loose,” Sissy complains, apparently unaware of her effect on the other woman. “Could you untie it for me real quick?” She pulls out of the fridge and straightens up so there’s better access to her back. 

“O-Oh, sure…” Vanya fumbles for the knot, trying to untie it while just a couple of inches separate them. 

The brunette’s fingers shake a little as she starts untying the knot. Sissy’s so close that she can smell the strong scent of coffee beans and vanilla wafting off of her. 

When it’s untied, Sissy pulls it off from around her head and tosses it onto the office chair in the adjacent room.

Vanya is frozen; now that she’s turned around, the two are closer than they’ve ever been. 

“Vanya? Are you—“

Vanya moves first. She doesn’t know where she finds the courage, but she reaches up, sealing her lips to Sissy’s in one quick movement.

The blonde makes a sound somewhere between surprise and pleasure, capturing Vanya’s cheeks in her hands and desperately kissing her back. 

The kiss is hot and wet, Sissy’s tongue sliding against Vanya’s. She slams the smaller woman into the open fridge door, tilting her head to get better access to her mouth. 

Vanya’s back is pressed to the door and she’s completely pinned down, Sissy kissing her with a force she could’ve never imagined. 

Sissy’s hands move behind Vanya’s back, untying the knot on her apron desperately. She yanks the article of clothing up and off, immediately going for the buttons on her blouse next. 

Vanya’s nerves feel like they’re on fire as Sissy pops each button open, revealing her bra and smooth stomach beneath. 

The blonde reaches down, planting open mouthed kisses on her skin. Vanya shivers, slipping her fingers into Sissy’s hair. 

The taller woman pulls back suddenly, a sheepish smile on her face. She clears her throat, regaining her composure. “Let’s move this somewhere slightly less unsanitary, yeah?” 

“I thought you’d never ask,” Vanya teases, still blushing furiously. 

* * *

Vanya walks herself home around 11:30, her apron slung over her shoulder and her stomach in knots of shame over what she’d just done. She’d  _ slept  _ with a married woman, and at their place of work no less. Not to mention on the freaking counter.

This isn’t who she used to be. Not meek, shy Vanya who never fit in with her superhero family. 

But she wonders if that’s such a good thing. What kind of person would coax someone into having an affair on their spouse? 

The thoughts cloud her head as she walks, so much so that she almost doesn’t see the headline on the TV as she passes the local news station. 

_ “Breaking news: Sir Reginald Hargreeves is dead.” _

* * *

The Hargreeves agree to meet two days later for a family only funeral. Vanya might not have learned about this at all, had it not been for Allison’s courtesy phone call. 

Standing in front of the Umbrella Academy stirs up all kinds of feelings she’d long tried to bury. 

Chief amongst them is the memory of Five, which is sorest because of the upcoming anniversary of his disappearance. Vanya still thinks a big part of her hasn’t recovered since he left. Like a piece of her is just missing. 

Steadying herself, she takes a deep breath and steps up the stairs, ringing the doorbell.

Pogo’s face is the first she sees when the door opens. The old chimp smiles warmly and it almost helps ease the queasiness growing in Vanya’s stomach. 

“Miss Vanya. Please, come in— It’s so good to see you.”

She steps into the foyer, immediately reaching out to wrap him in a big hug. Pogo returns the gesture, and for a moment it feels like she’s a kid again, being comforted from the atrocities of her family. The memories resurface in a rush; Pogo watching her play violin, when even Five wasn’t around to spend time with her. When he’d patched up her scraped knees or helped her with her homework.

“I missed you,” Vanya murmurs, and she means it. After these years of suppressing everything from her time at the academy, she’d forgotten that she hadn’t wanted to erase exactly every _ one.  _

“And I missed you as well,” Pogo beams, pulling back to rest on his cane. “I know these aren’t the happiest of circumstances, but I’m glad you’re here and I want you to know this will always be your home.” 

Vanya nods, deflating a little. That’s where he’s wrong-- it can never be a home; not like it’s supposed to be. Not when it’s an empty shell that only serves as a reminder of the years of trauma and neglect she’d endured. 

But that’s a topic for her therapist, Vanya reminds herself. “Thank you, Pogo.”

He smiles, holding a hand out to take her coat as she shucks it off. “Allison just arrived, if you want to greet her in the den.”

Vanya nods, an anxious thrill running through her at the prospect of seeing her sister after these years of being apart. “Of course.”

Allison is supermodel pretty, even from the back. Her beautiful mane of hair is just as stunning as Vanya had remembered. When she turns around at the sound of Vanya’s footsteps, it becomes fully apparent just how gorgeous she is. The glow of star-dom practically radiates from her, from her smooth skin to her flawless makeup.  _ Perfect,  _ Vanya thinks, her stomach completely dropping.

“Vanya,” Allison says in surprise, perfect brows arching. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.” 

“I wasn’t either,” she answers honestly. “But I’m glad I did. It’s good to see you.”

A smile twitches on Allison’s lips and she opens her arm for a hug, which Vanya returns. Allison holds her more delicately than Pogo, bending down to place her chin on her shoulder. She smells like lavender, Vanya realizes, immediately comforted by the scent. Despite years of being estranged from her, Vanya still has a fuzzy warmth for her sister that she’d never had for any of the others but Five and Ben. 

“It’s good to see you too, sis,” Allison says softly, giving her a big squeeze before pulling back.

“What is she doing here?” Diego’s voice interrupts as he storms past, taking the stairs. “She doesn’t belong here. Not after what she did.”

Allison rolls her eyes. “She’s right here, you know? You can address her like a person, Diego. Way to dress for the occasion, by the way.” 

“At least I’m wearing black,” he calls back, unaffected. 

Allison and Vanya exchange looks and the taller girl shakes her head. 

* * *

An hour after the funeral service (which ends predictably, in Luther and Diego breaking into a fight), Vanya sits at the end of her old bed, staring at the walls of the room she used to feel trapped in. 

It’s the smallest out of everyones’ rooms, something Vanya had never really gotten over. The walls have sheet music plastered to them, and her old vanity still has the brush she’d used as a kid. It’s all covered in a layer of dust, showcasing just how long it had been since anyone had bothered coming into the room. Somehow she’s not surprised that even Mom had stopped cleaning it.

She sighs, laying down to stare at the ceiling. What is she even going to do now? Go back to playing the violin and pining after a married woman at her part-time job? It feels weird to consider, after spending the day in what used to be a superhero academy. She’s a freakshow; nothing about her life is ever going to feel normal. None of her relationships are ever going to be healthy. 

Just as she’s caught in a web of familiar, dark thoughts, she hears a  _ clap  _ of thunder followed by what sounds like crackling electricity. The house shakes, trembling beneath her bed. Her window lights up with blue and she shoots up in bed.

“What the hell?” she murmurs, rushing into the hallway. She makes panicked eye contact with Allison, who’s also just stepped out of her room. Both on the same page, the girls make a beeline for the stairs. 

“What the fuck was that?” Diego calls, the first one heading for the courtyard. It seems to be the source of the loud sound, the crackling only intensifying as they get closer. 

Vanya and Allison bring up the rear, following the rest of their siblings outside.

What they see shocks Vanya to her core: a swirling, blue vortex, with someone who looks familiar on the other side.

“Wait… Is that  _ Five _ ?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sry for so much vissy in this chapter -- i promise we'll get to the fiveya angst soonish


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five and Vanya are reunited.

“It must be some temporal anomaly or something,” Luther calls over the roaring sound of the portal.

“That would explain why I’m seeing Five,” Vanya murmurs, too quiet to be heard over the crackling electricity.

The portal seems to grow wider and the image of Five trying to tear through becomes even clearer. The weird part is that he seems to be flickering like an image, changing from his regular self to what looks to be an older man. 

The adrenaline in Vanya picks up and her heart is pounding in her chest-- Is it really him? Is he finally coming home? 

Her answer comes when Five emerges from the swirling blue anomaly, falling flat on the concrete with a groan.

He looks exactly like he’d looked the day he’d time jumped; 17 years old. He’s clad in a suit that seems slightly too large for him, the shoulders a little broad. 

“Five?” Luther says, breaking the awkward silence first. Now that the portal has closed with a clap, the courtyard is eerily quiet. 

Vanya is completely reeling, her heart hammering in her chest and her palms starting to sweat. She feels like she might pass out. She wants to run towards him; scoop him up. Hug him. But she can’t move, frozen in fear that she’s somehow imagining this. 

Five looks down at his hands and then his suit, dark eyes widening. “ _ Shit.”  _

Vanya swallows a lump in her throat, still unable to believe her eyes. Finally breaking out of her stupor, she crosses the courtyard to crush him to her chest in a big hug. “Five, _ I thought you were dead _ .” Her voice breaks and tears sting her eyes. She refuses to move, holding him as tightly as she can. 

He brings his arms up, holding her to him in what feels like surprise. “Vanya…”

Her heart hammers in her chest as she clutches him, inhaling his still familiar scent.  _ It can’t be real.  _ But it is.

Allison gently touches Vanya’s back. “Let’s get him inside, okay?”

At first she clings to him and doesn’t want to let go, but eventually releases him, stepping back. She wipes her tears on her sleeve, taking a shuddering breath. Just looking at him again is intoxicating; a long buried fantasy she’d never thought would actually come to fruition. “I missed you so much... You have no idea how long four years has been without you.”

“Four years…?” he asks, brows knitted together. “What day is it, exactly?”

“The 24th of March,” she answers as they all file back inside. 

“Good,” he replies, shoulders sagging again.

They all follow Five in a stupor as he makes a beeline for the kitchen. Everyone, including Vanya, stares at him in shock as he teleports around the kitchen to acquire sandwich ingredients.

“It’s been four years, and you finally make it back now?” Luther asks, stupefied. “How?”

Five uses a knife to scrape peanut butter out of the jar. “I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time.” 

Diego, who’s perched on the edge of the table, shakes his head. “That makes no sense…”

“Well, it would if you were smarter,” Five says nonchalantly, focusing entirely on putting the sandwich together. 

Diego shoots up from the table and Luther holds him back with one arm. “It took you  _ four  _ years to figure that out?”

Five stares at him, putting the knife down. “No, Number One. It took me over  _ forty-five years _ to figure out the exact equations for the time jump. It might’ve been four years for you, but it was a hell of a lot longer for me.” He shakes his head with a sigh. “And even then, I still screwed up. Or else I wouldn’t be stuck in this younger body…”

“So what’re you saying? That you’re like sixty-two years old?”

“Mentally, yes,” Five answers. “Physically…” He pulls on the too-big suit for emphasis. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.” Taking the sandwich with him, he turns and blinks from the room. 

There’s a stunned silence and then Luther says, “Well, that was interesting.” 

Vanya stands, ignoring the others as she makes a beeline for the stairs. She’s not letting him out of her sight so soon after he’s back; she’s already been apart from him long enough. Old Vanya would’ve held back and given him space; waited for him to come to her like she used to. 

But she’s waited long enough. 

She takes the grand staircase until she reaches the third floor. When she steps into Five’s room, the door ajar, she finds him standing at his closet like she’d expected. He rifles through the clothes with a dramatic sigh, not even turning to face her. 

“Things aren’t going to be the same as they used to be, if that’s what you’re expecting,” he says, his tone oddly cold. “Like I said, it’s been forty-five years for me. I’m not the kid you remember.”

Vanya’s brows knit together and the lump in her throat tightens. The way he’s not even looking at her as he says it feels like a punch in the gut. “What, so that’s it? You’re just going to go about your business like everything’s normal?”

Five yanks one of the uniforms from his closet, finally turning to face her. “Nothing about this family is ‘normal’, Vanya,” he says, tone still brittle. “Most teenagers screw up by crashing their first cars or getting wasted at parties. I  _ time traveled  _ to a future that doesn’t exist and suffered there alone for decades. What part of that sounds normal to you?”

Vanya stares at him, her vision blurring as tears sting her eyes. The emotion in his voice tells her that he’s sharing something vulnerable; putting to words that he’s spent god knows how long completely alone. The knowledge of his pain coupled with her own twists in her chest, unfurling like something ugly. 

Five steps toward her, all pretenses briefly falling as he touches her hand.

Vanya’s heart flutters in surprise, her eyes locked with his as she’s transfixed by his softening expression. 

He turns her hand over gently, running the fingers of his other hand over the wrist where her soulmark sits. It’s blotchy like a birthmark, only slightly resembling a moon shape. 

Five’s fingers brush over it softly, sending chills up Vanya’s neck. “It’s still here,” he murmurs, eyes glazed over. 

For a moment it’s just them, gazes locked. Vanya feels completely whole, reunited with her best friend and companion. A warmth settles in the base of her stomach and spreads slowly through her. 

But then he drops her hand and turns away and the peaceful feeling is gone. “You should get out.”

“Wait, what did you mean by ‘it’s still here’?”

He stands there for a moment, back facing her, and doesn’t reply.

“Five?” 

“I need to get dressed, Vanya. And I need some sleep, so…”

There it is again— that distant tone. Vanya swallows back the pain, recalling just how exhausted he must be. “Of course. Um… Can we talk some more, when you’re feeling more yourself?” 

“Yeah, sure. But, Vanya, I’m not ever going to be what you knew me as again.” 

She doesn’t hesitate to respond. “I still love you.”

He doesn’t reply, but his shoulders go slack. “Goodnight, Vanya.”

“Goodnight, Five.”

Leaving his bedroom is the hardest thing she’s done in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of this fic got longer (it was what i was initially going to name it, but just wound up going with silhouette at first) 
> 
> this fic isn't beta'd so pls go easy on me


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sissy asks Vanya for help; Five seeks her out to apologize.

Pogo offers Vanya her old room for the night so she can stay and watch over Five, but she declines and hugs the chimp goodbye. Five had made it clear he’d wanted space, and Vanya has been ostracized for so long that she’s practically an expert at giving it. 

She walks back to her apartment, head cloudy with thoughts and feelings she thought she’d long buried.

Her living room is quiet and still. She shucks off her coat, flopping down on the couch with a dramatic sigh. Just as she’s considering turning in on the early side, her phone vibrates against her leg from her pocket. 

**_Sissy_ **

_how are you? how was the funeral? i’m here if you need to talk_

Vanya hesitates before replying. 

_I’m fine. The funeral was… complicated, I guess. How are you?_

**_Sissy_ **

_oh, u know.. carl is off at that damn bar again. lied straight to my face, but what else is new_

**_Vanya_ **

_I’m so sorry. Do you need any help with Harlan so you can go pick him up?_

**_Sissy_ **

_you know i couldn’t ask that of you on the day of your dad’s funeral_

**_Vanya_ **

_It’s fine, really. He and I weren’t close._

**_Sissy_ **

_vanya, you are a godsend_

Vanya smiles dopily down at her phone, the bad feeling hovering over her like a cloud all but dissipating. She tucks away the familiar part of her that hurts over Five, letting thoughts of Sissy carry her away in a sweet distraction. 

She all but leaps up to go get her coat. 

* * *

When Vanya arrives, Sissy plants a kiss on her cheek and thanks her profusely, promising to be back within the hour. 

Vanya just nods and smiles, her stomach doing funny flip flops at the other woman’s displays of affection. 

She and Harlan wind up playing hide and seek for the better part of a half hour before Carl and Sissy finally return (Vanya pretends she doesn’t see Harlan hiding in the laundry room).

Carl all but stumbles through the kitchen, being ushered along by Sissy, who’s holding his elbow. “Vanya,” he says, with a twisted grin on his face. “I should give you a raise, huh? Workin’ off the clock like this.” 

The brunette smiles sheepishly, unsure of how to respond, but Sissy is already rolling her eyes. “Don’t you have the damn _decency_ to at least be embarrassed about being shitfaced in front of someone you’re employin’?”

Vanya privately agrees, but doesn’t say anything as Sissy hauls the man towards the hallway. He grumbles something back and the two bicker until Vanya hears their bedroom door shut. 

Sighing, she turns her attention back to Harlan, who’s fidgeting with his hands and looking away shyly. 

“Do you want to go read together?” Vanya asks gently. “I bet I could find something we both like.”

Harlan doesn’t quite meet her eyes, but he nods in a small, jerky movement.

“‘Kay, come on.”

She takes him by the hand, leading him back towards his bedroom. He pulls away from her nervously, but leads her to his bookshelf where Vanya starts sifting through his collection. 

When Harlan eventually points to the one he wants her to read, she sits down at the edge of his bed, flipping it open to read from the beginning. He crawls under the comforter, laying down as Vanya starts the story. 

She reads to him for almost another half-hour before he passes out, his mouth open and drool pooling on the pillow. Vanya smiles fondly, closing the book and placing it on his nightstand. Not wanting to disturb him, she stands carefully, making her way over to the lightswitch to hit it off.

She almost runs smack into Sissy when she turns around, putting a hand to her chest in surprise. “God.. You scared me.”

The blonde chuckles, holding her by the shoulders. “Vanya, you have saved my entire night— Carl’s knocked out already, thank god. Let me get you a drink?” 

“U-Uh, sure.” Vanya nervously tucks hair behind her ears. “I’d love one.”

The other woman smiles almost mischievously, hand sliding from her shoulder down her arm to take her hand. Gently pulling her along, Sissy steers them both towards the kitchen.

Vanya should love this, and she does-- Sissy’s touch is like a drug, filling her with familiar warm and fluttery feelings. But guilt pricks nags in the back of her mind and only grows, amplifying as Sissy’s fingers gently ghost over hers.

“Should we be like this…?” Vanya murmurs, stopping in her tracks once they reach the dining room table. “I mean, with Carl in just the other room?”

Sissy’s smile falters. “I’m holdin’ your hand, Vanya. Not undressin’ you.”

Vanya pulls away as if stung. “No, I know, it’s just… How long are we going to keep doing this? Shouldn’t we tell him?”

The blonde’s gaze flits away. “You know it’s not that simple… I’ve got Harlan, and--”

“The shop,” Vanya finishes. “So he’s your everything, right? You wouldn’t know how to start again without him? Even though you only ever talk about how he makes you miserable.”

Sissy sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I didn’t mean it like that, I just… I can’t give you what you want, Vanya. Not right now.”

The smaller woman nods, lips pressing into a thin line. “I see. Sorry to bother you. Harlan’s in bed, so… I guess I’m just gonna head out.” She turns on her heel, walking through the living room.

“Wait--”

Vanya clenches her hands into fists, stopping in her tracks. “Wait for _what_ , Sissy? For you to finally be brave enough to leave the man who’s making you miserable?”

“It’s not about ‘bravery’ and you damn well know it.” Her voice shakes when she says it and for a moment Vanya wonders if they’re both in the same amount of pain. “I have a son who needs what his dad can provide. _This_ is reality; you and me are just a fantasy. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.”

Her words sting. Vanya turns away again, going straight for the door. Her eyes sting with unshed tears that she doesn’t want Sissy to see. “Have a good night sleeping next to a man you don’t love,” she says with some finality. The pain of the rejection is quickly turning to shame. Embarrassment. Guilt. On a whim, she adds, “And you can tell Carl that I quit.”

“ _Vanya_ ,” Sissy exclaims, but the brunette is already on her way out the door.

She slams it in her former boss’s face.

* * *

On the way home, the tears start to fall freely. Vanya’s not sure why she’s surprised by anyone’s betrayal at this point. It’s only another admission that she isn’t worthy of anyone’s commitment, time or even loyalty. No one ever lasts in her life. It’s why she’s living a sad, loner kind of life in her apartment away from all of her family. Sissy might resent her husband, but at least she _has_ someone.

By the time she reaches home, she’s almost numb. She takes the stairs instead of the elevator, as if making her lungs burn might cause her to feel something again. It had gone from tears and a pain in her chest to complete inner silence.

It’s not until she steps into her living room that she sees him, sitting on the chair beside her couch, hands crossed. 

Five.

“W-What the hell? What are you _doing_ here? How’d you get in?” She’d dropped her keys in surprise and bends over to scoop them up.

“You should really make sure you’re locking your windows. Rapists can climb.”

Vanya just stands there, not daring to approach him, almost like she’s spotted a wild animal that could flee with any sudden movement. “I thought you said you needed some rest.” She’s cautiously optimistic about why he’s in her living room, but she doesn’t dare show it.

He won’t meet her gaze, looking away. His eyelashes are dark in the dim light, and when he finally does look at her, Vanya is struck by how pretty they are. It’s a weird realization, so she pushes it away quickly. “I was harsh with you, earlier,” he starts. “I wanted to apologize. Turns out forty-five years in a wasteland makes it kinda difficult not to occasionally put your foot in your mouth.” 

The butterflies in Vanya’s stomach rise up again, doing a little dance. Her favorite sibling; her long-time companion, here to patch things up between them. It’s the validation she’s been craving all day.

“No, I get it. You don’t have to apologize.” She walks over, sitting on the edge of the couch so that their knees are almost touching. It’s almost like some physical need to be closer to him; to make sure he never goes away again. She can’t lose him a second time. “So… When you said you time traveled to a future that didn’t exist, is that what you meant? You were in a wasteland?”

He gives a small nod. “I jumped to the time right after the world ended and I couldn’t get back.”

“I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like, being alone that long. _Seeing_ all of that. I-I mean, I _felt_ alone when you were gone, but I wasn’t… the only person left in the world.”

Five goes rigid at that, not quite meeting her gaze. “Actually, there was one other person… Her name was Delores.” His expression softens when he says her name and Vanya’s stomach tightens in response.

“Delores?”

Vanya can almost see his walls coming back up. “I’m not here to talk about her. You asked me what I meant when I said ‘it’s still here’. I, uh…” He pauses, almost like he’s debating if he should even be telling her. “I saw all of you. Dead. The first thing I did when I jumped to the post-apocalypse was try to find everyone. Your bodies weren’t far from home and you looked like you’d been trying to stop whatever had caused it. I pulled everyone out from the debris, and… You were there, too. You were dressed in this all-white uniform, with your violin crushed beside you. And then I saw the soulmark on your wrist.” He pauses, hesitating. “It’s the same as the one you have now, obviously. It’s just… surreal, is all. It’s weird to be back and see you here, actually alive.”

 _This is all crazy_ , is Vanya’s first thought. The apocalypse? Everyone, dead? She’d had no doubt Five had suffered alone somehow, but not to this extent. Maybe she’d been hoping the time jumping had just messed with his head. But something about the ghosts in his eyes tell her he’s telling the truth. Besides, would Five ever lie to her?

“That’s horrible,” is the first thing she says. “But, Five, the end of the world? When?”

“It happens in eight days.”

The floor feels like it’s spinning beneath her as soon as he says it. “That’s… That’s crazy. Are you-- I mean, are you sure? Is there any way the timeline has changed?” It can’t be true. Part of her-- no, most of her-- isn’t believing it at all. But again, when has Five ever lied? Maybe it has to do with the time travel. Her brain scrambles to make it make sense; maybe it was like Reggie said, and the time jumping had messed with his mind somehow.

Five is unflinching. “No… Vanya, it _is_ in eight days. You have no idea the things I went through to get back here in time to try and stop this.”

She grimaces, realizing how she must sound to be dismissing him. “I’m sorry, it’s just… a lot to take in.” 

Five looks away, making a _'tch'_ sound. “Maybe this was a mistake. Time’s already wasting…” He stands up, as if to return to the window whence he came. 

“No, please, Five. Please just stay.” She leaps up from her seat on the couch. The desperation in her tone is already rising and the lump in her throat from earlier is making a return. “Don’t leave things like this.”

Five hesitates, turning back to look at her again. His eyes are soft, and for a minute there’s an unspoken tension ebbing back and forth between them. Then his shoulders relax. “I really did miss you.”

For some reason Vanya flushes, her cheeks growing hot. “Five…” Her voice breaks a little. It’s all just been so much. 

He steps forward faster than she can even think, pulling her into a hug that completely takes her by surprise. His chin rests on her head and she curls into him, letting out a contented sigh. He smells exactly like she remembers. She wraps her arms around his midsection and clings to him. She can't remember the last time someone's held her like this and yet she wouldn't want it to be anyone else but him doing it. He's warm and she feels _safe_.

Five doesn’t say anything; just keeps holding her until the two of them are standing there for far too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sry this update took so long. hopefully the next chapter will come out in half the time


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 100% pining and cuddles.

For just that night, it’s almost like no time has passed between them. Vanya puts on a pot of coffee and serves some to Five, who perches on the edge of her couch and recounts some of his experiences in the post-apocalypse.

“So, who was Delores? You mentioned her earlier.” 

She hands him the refilled mug, sitting down next to him almost cautiously. Almost like she’s afraid he might spring to his feet and decide against staying with her.

At first Five stiffens up, not meeting her gaze. Then he takes a long swig of coffee, not saying anything for a long moment. “We met while I was trying to find shelter one night. After that, we started traveling together… We were partners.”

Vanya swallows a pang of jealousy. At least her best friend had found someone else to fill that void in her absence-- she should be happy for him. “I didn’t realize anyone had survived.”

He quickly changes the topic. “What about you? You must’ve seen people after leaving the academy.” 

Vanya smirks, shaking her head. “No… Not how you’re thinking, anyway. I had a thing with my boss’s wife, but I just ended it about an hour ago.” 

Five’s eyes widen. “Vanya,” he says her name in a surprised but scolding, almost parental way. “Your boss’s  _ wife  _ was having an affair with you?” 

She cracks a smile, but tries to bite down on it. “It wasn’t on purpose… It just kinda happened. I mean, I think he’s just her beard, but…”

Five cocks a brow and Vanya suddenly remembers her manners. “You know what, forget it… It was a stupid fling. I quit the job, too, so.”

He’s quiet for such a long stretch that she starts wondering if she somehow said something to upset him. Then, he says, “You deserve better than a ‘stupid fling’. Do you love her?”

The directness of the question catches her off guard. “What? I mean, she’s not my soulmate or anything. Her mark doesn’t match mine--”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Vanya pauses, surprised by the forthrightness. Is what she feels for Sissy love…? She bites her lip before sighing. “I honestly don’t even know if I know what love is. I mean, I broke it off with her, but it doesn’t just take away what I felt either.”

Five’s eyes darken. “Understandable. I’m obviously not an expert, but even I know how complicated relationships can be.” His gaze lingers on her. “You’re doing better than when we were kids. I’m glad.”

It’s weird hearing him say it, particularly since he looks frozen in time, a copy of exactly how he was four years ago. But there’s something soft in the way he looks at her and she’s ensnared in it, drawn in. She distantly realizes how close they are; their knees almost touching, and with the way the couch sinks under their weight it almost pushes them closer together. Five’s eyes are soft; too soft.

Vanya clears her throat, trying to break free from the trance. “I wasn’t doing better when you were gone. Nothing has been ‘better’ since you disappeared.”

“Vanya…” His tone is thick. That look in his eyes makes the tips of her ears burn.

“Would it be weird if I asked you to hug me again?”

Instead of answering, Five opens his arms expectantly, his gaze all soft vulnerability. 

Flushing, she scoots closer to him on the couch, looping her arms under his and pulling him into her. 

He’s  _ warm.  _ She sighs contentedly as she places her chin on his shoulder. When he sighs back, her belly grows warm too. Tingles shoot across her skin and that warmth sweeps further and further down. She squeezes her eyes shut in shame, trying to push the arousal away. This is her  _ brother,  _ who’s currently stuck in his seventeen year old body. It’s wrong and she knows it. 

But the yearning unravels within her and something about it feels so right. She turns her face into his neck, nuzzling her nose into his skin. He makes a soft sound that’s suspiciously akin to a moan and his arms tighten around her, cradling her to him like he never intends to let go. 

“Promise you’ll never leave me again,” she murmurs against him, butterflies in her stomach.

“Vanya, I’m  _ never  _ leaving you again,” he assures her, voice husky. “I’d rather die. I was just a kid, back when I jumped… I didn’t know any better. But now…” His arms tighten around her, somehow pressing their bodies more firmly together. They fit almost perfectly, despite Vanya being a lot smaller. It’s like his arms are made for her. 

“Now..?” Vanya asks in a murmur. It’s mostly to urge him to keep talking; she likes the rumble of his voice. 

“Now I’m never letting you go,” he finishes, sending a thrill through her.  _ She  _ is  _ his— all his.  _

This was how it was always supposed to be. It feels right.

When he lets himself relax against the couch, she loosens her hold a little and resituates so her head is on his chest and she’s leaning again him. 

“Let’s just stay like this, okay?” She yawns as she says it, sleepiness overtaking her. 

“Always,” he murmurs into her hair, his fingers skimming up her back. He settles his hand between her shoulder blades, alternating between tracing circles and just stroking. The motions only lull Vanya closer to sleep. 

As she’s passing out against him, she could almost swear she feels a kiss being pressed to the top of her head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is short but i do what i want


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TLDR, Five gets big jealous.

When Vanya wakes and Five is gone, she feels weirdly naked-- exposed, maybe. She’d fallen asleep on the armrest, and without his body cradling her it had only gotten colder. The cool draft from her air conditioning hits her and she shivers, rubbing her arms.

Had she imagined last night? Five was always gentle with her, but not quite like that. His presence alone being restored to her life was one of her wildest dreams come true, but for him to hold her like that…

She blushes again just thinking about it. It’s a strange reaction; one she probably shouldn’t have so soon after her fling with Sissy. Not to mention the fact he’s her _brother,_ still in his younger body…

It’s not like they’re soulmates, like Ben and Klaus.

Vanya freezes as soon as she has the thought— Five would’ve received his soulmark on his eighteen year old body, in the apocalypse. And since he’s physically seventeen now, he no longer has it. He would surely tell her if they shared the same mark, she assures herself. 

But then she thinks about his closed off look when he’s talking about seeing her mark and she’s not so sure.

She yawns, pulling herself into a standing position to go about her morning routine. She has the urge to check her work schedule to see when her shift is, but then remembers with a pang of guilt that she’d quit on the spot last night. _Before Five..._

After brushing her teeth, splashing some water on her face and getting dressed, she finally braves unlocking her phone. She shouldn’t be surprised to see the string of unread messages from Sissy. Some of them are apologetic and some are worried, begging her to text back.

Vanya sighs, guilt weighing heavy on her chest. Her outburst of rage had been short-lived; she’s not sure if it’s thanks to Five’s comfort or just a full night’s sleep, but her anger towards Sissy has all but died out now. She starts to reply, her fingers a little shaky as she types her response. _“I’m sorry about last night— I can help out at the shop if you need it, but it’s probably best if I find a new job still. I’m sure you can understand.”_

Standing up for herself in any capacity is a new phenomenon for Vanya. She’d spent so many years under the thumb of her siblings, unable to find her own voice. Being told by Reginald that her voice didn’t even matter to begin with. 

But somehow, since writing her book, a newfound courage has been injected into her life. No longer does she bite back on things she wants to say for the sake of others. 

Her phone vibrates again, bringing her back to the present. 

**Sissy**

_Can we please just talk? Come by the shop today. Carl is on his day off_

Vanya immediately knows this is a bad idea, but starts moving to get her coat anyways. _Like she can say no to Sissy._ She’d spoken her peace and she stands by it; a new job is what makes sense. But it also doesn’t erase the longing she feels, or the rush of butterflies at the thought of seeing Sissy again. Five dances at the back of her mind too, but she pushes that notion away. The urge to bury her confusing mess of emotions is all too strong.

Gathering her things, she leaves her apartment to head for the coffee shop.

* * *

Five’s not an idiot. He knows Vanya is in love with this woman, or at the very least in strong infatuation. He’d seen the look in her eyes when he’d asked her if she was.

The image of his soulmark from the future, matching hers, chases the back of his mind. He should probably tell her, but would she even believe him? Would she even want that? Especially when she already has feelings for someone else…

And then there’s the Delores of it all. He tries not to think about how he’s been back over a day and still hasn’t gone looking for her. 

Instead he focuses on the moving line in front of him, and how it’s now his turn to step up to the register and tell his drink order to this pretty, middle aged blonde woman. 

“A large coffee, black,” he says, before she can even open her mouth in greeting.

A smile cracks on her lips. “Well, aren’t you a chatty one? Okay, Mr. ‘Large Coffee, Black’. Will that be all?”

He resists the urge to roll his eyes and instead presses his lips into a returning smile. It probably looks sarcastic, though. “Yes.”

“Pfft.” She takes his cash (the wad he’d stolen from Diego’s pants last night) and counts it out, putting it in the register. “It’ll be right out.” Before she turns away, his eyes catch sight of her nametag, which reads ‘Sissy’ in scrawling cursive. 

Five takes a seat at the bartop, absentmindedly watching her as she fills a cup behind the counter. He freezes completely when the entrance bell jingles, drawing his gaze towards the door instead. 

_Vanya._ She doesn’t see him (he’s sitting next to a larger gentleman), and instead walks towards the back counter, hovering as she watches the barista. 

His heart twists in his chest. _So this is the one._

‘Sissy’ slides his drink across the pickup counter and turns to face Vanya. He can’t hear what they’re saying from here, but the look on Vanya’s face is guarded, and hers is somewhat desperate.

He watches them for a little while, gulping down big swallows of his coffee as if it’ll distract him from the twisting feeling in the pit of his stomach. It isn’t until Vanya looks uncomfortable, hurt flashing in those expressive doe eyes, that he pushes himself up from his spot at the bar and wanders over. 

Sissy looks surprised as he approaches, probably still thinking he’s just a customer. “Can I help you, sir?” she asks, obviously fighting to return to her regular composure. 

“Oh,” Vanya says in surprise. “Sorry, um… That’s my brother. Hey, Five. I didn’t realize you were going to get coffee.”

It’s like her entire demeanor is lighter, now that she’s talking to him. He wonders if she even realizes. “Yeah, well… I didn’t think you were going to, either. Besides, my blood is probably more coffee than water.”

Vanya looks between the two and there’s an awkward pause. “Five, this is my… ex-boss, Sissy.”

The blonde’s eyes roam his figure, lingering on his schoolboy outfit in what he can only deduce is confusion. “I thought you were all born on the same day.”

Vanya smiles, waving a hand. “Yes, but, um… It’s a long story. It has to do with his powers.”

“I can assure you we would’ve met sooner if I hadn’t been gone for so long,” Five adds, tone brittle. 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you now,” Sissy offers, only a touch awkwardly.

Five smiles sarcastically. “I wish I could say the same, but considering you’re taking advantage of my sister by having inappropriate relations with her when you’re her superior…” 

Vanya looks like she’s been slapped. “ _Five_ , what the hell?” 

Sissy looks shocked at first, blond brows threatening to disappear into her hairline. Then she laughs in a derisive way, shaking her head. “You have some kind of nerve coming into _my_ shop and getting into my personal business. Vanya doesn’t even work here anymore. So if you wanna just march your little—“

“Guys,” Vanya interrupts. “Let’s just not, okay? Five, I have some things to talk about with her—“

Five scoffs. “Yeah, and I’m guessing ‘things’ are whatever she can manipulate you into doing next.” Hostility rears its head in him and he tries (unsuccessfully) to push it back down. “You know what, Vanya, I’m just going to go. It’s clear I can’t help you with this.” 

“Wait,” Vanya starts, but he’s already spatial jumping out of the coffee shop. He’s already delayed on finding Delores long enough. 

At least that’s what he tells himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no post, oop. i've been sitting on a big chunk of this chapter for a good while now, taking a hiatus from fanfic. lmk which POV you prefer-- vanya's or five's


End file.
